If someone parallel between the love of things and love for a person seems to be incompetent, he goes to the forest simply does not want to give up his self-deception. It is very convenient to assume that love for a person is something fundamentally different. You can fantasize so much for yourself, you can suffer with such pleasure because of the absence of “true love” in your life, and with what benefit you can change your “true love” for all kinds of personal services and psychological strokes!
If we talk about the “science of love” and that true love is something more complex and sublime than ordinary sympathy, then learn to first love a person at least as “primitive” as you love your things – without any reciprocal obligations , without any dependence, but with the same dedication and sincere care. It will work out – and then come and discuss the nature of true love.
Now imagine that, next to you, there is a living person who is handsome to you, who treats you like a beloved sweater, in the sense we just looked at. He loves you calmly and without any insanity. He is good at your company and he does not require anything in return. He saves your relationship and sincerely cares about your well being, because then it will be good for him next to you. Is this the celebration of life you have always dreamed of?
Are you capable of loving another person like this? Are you able to accept a person as he is, with all his “holes and scuffs”? Are you able to take care of another person for reasons of healthy selfishness, without then billing for your services?
Are you able to love while maintaining your integrity and independence, not dissolving in another person? Or, perhaps, you are looking for that – this very dissolution in each other? Maybe you call love the loss of personal boundaries, when two lonely and unhappy “halves” naively hope to become one whole? If so, then you have big problems that you, however, can be proud of. All the love lyrics and half of the works of world art are created by such people – with such a “subtle” spiritual organization. There is something to be proud of, but this has not brought anyone happiness yet – only sweet suffering.
There is no border between simple sympathy and love – these are all continuous conventions. There is nothing else in nature except one person’s greater or lesser sympathy for another. And that love, which everyone talks about, differs from ordinary sympathy only by a security contract for the exclusive use of each other. Marriages are made in heaven, yes, but only according to heavenly laws, and not through registry offices, beautiful promises and contracts of tenure. Sympathy – this is the “law of God”, but the rights and obligations of the parties are not described in it – this is already a fly of human law.
Love is not there is sympathy
There is nothing funnier than a declaration of love. Well this is just funny! If in our spiritual organization there is no separate independent feeling called “Love”, then what does a person see in himself who confesses to this very love? Watch your hands! Inside, he sees his sympathy and obsessive affection, coupled with the fear of possible loss — he sees, and makes a logical conclusion that all this together, probably, is “love”.
Ask him what love is and he will go to hell – if there is enough honesty, he will say that he does not have a clear answer. But he is forced to operate on this concept, because they are expected and even demanded of him – “Well, when will he already announce his feelings ?!” So he announces – not to look like an idiot who only does not know what love is. And in fact, no one knows! And especially those who are holy in love do not know this.
And you, too, thought about it. Tried to answer this question? And something other than beautiful poetic formulations came up in response? And if you were asked what hunger is, would you also hit poetry? No, hunger exists quite real and you know it very well, so you can easily describe it and point your finger exactly where you feel it. And you don’t know anything about love – and not at all because you have never been “hungry.”
As uncomplicated children, you loved the whole world around, but it was never an independent feeling – you just accepted everything around as a delightful reality that does not require any changes. But even if you knew this word then, you would not understand that it was love, because there was nothing to understand. Then it was your natural way of looking at things — total acceptance or no rejection. As breathing – inhale-exhale, and no illusions about the fact that inhale better than exhalation or vice versa.
Love is not a feeling – it is a perception mode inherent in a healthy mind, and it can only be defined through denial, through what is not there. Love is a perception in which there is no separation between black and white.