Psychology of love
It’s time for another provocative topic. To argue about love with a serious air would be to succumb to the general insanity on a donut hole, so we add a little pepper and irony to our conversation. Let’s talk about love and try to figure out what kind of crap it is, and why there are so many problems from it in life.
At one time, this topic was already considered, but there it was about friendship, and the conclusion was this: there is a good attitude towards a person, there is sympathy, there is respect, and there is such an abstract and naively elevated category – “friendship”, which is nothing else as the neurotic reciprocity of two infantilities.
Of course, words can be used in different ways, and friendship can be called just the most appropriate relationship, built on mutual sympathy and respect – then there will be nothing to argue about. But if we talk about what type of relationship is called friendship in practice, then neurotic dependence usually comes to the fore. So let’s not argue about the meaning of words and try to understand the essence of the question that interests us.
About love one could say the same thing as about friendship, and it would be absolutely certain, but if we stop at this, the topic, as they say, will not be revealed. Love and faith in her is a more complicated phenomenon, precisely because of that very general insanity. About friendship we rub a lot, but here with love downright brainwashed. TV, print media, the Internet, parties and gatherings – everywhere the same lament about love in its various forms and poses.
In fact, the situation is such that the question of love is equal in importance to the question of the meaning of life, and for many it is identical to it. Live life and not love, live life and not be loved … is this not the worst nightmare of modern man?
Formula of love is dangerous to health
In psychology, there is a principle: the greater the expectations about an event, the higher the likelihood of crushing disappointment. You wait more – you get less, you wait less – you get more. The principle of reinforced concrete, no exceptions.
This is because the reality is unpredictable and does not want to fit in the Procrustean bed of mental notions about “how it will be”. And the more sophisticated ideas about the future we build, the more difficult the reality is to fit into them, and therefore the probability of hitting his forehead in a collision with the harsh truth of life is higher. Conversely, the smaller the plans and fantasies, the sooner the reality will be more beautiful than any expectations.
So, one of the main problems with love lies precisely in the fact that the expectations are initially damn high, because love is hoo what an important thing! Waiting for love all their lives, with each failure failing, twirling on it more and more new expectations, they say, next time everything will definitely be like a fairy tale. Then new relationships happen, and it seems that here it is – love, but as time passes and rough reality once again hits the back with a shovel.
A smart man would look back, add two plus two and draw the right conclusions about the fallacy of his expectations, but for some reason it turns out differently. More often, everything ends with accusations of another person that he poorly loves or does not cope well with his duties – in fact, this is much easier than accepting responsibility for false expectations and unreasonable demands. Simply put, the expectations regarding love are greatly overestimated, and something needs to be done about it. Enthusiastically romantic notions of love do not see the simplicity and naturalness of this feeling.
“The feeling of love” is just a figure of speech. No feeling of love exists. And if someone firmly believes that he has a special light bulb inside that lights up when sympathy develops into love, then that’s the way it should be – with relationships such people are not very well formed, maybe they will die out when by themselves.
Sometimes there is sympathy, sometimes respect, passion just happens, but there is no love. We call love a complex of more or less simple spiritual experiences, mostly of a neurotic nature. “I am crazy, it means I love” – this is the modern formula of love.