Jealousy and other troubles
Take jealousy, for example. It is easy to understand that behind all jealousy is still the same inferiority complex – the fear of remaining in humiliating loneliness, if the partner prefers someone else. And because of this, I so want to bind him to myself by any means possible – insults, scandals, pressure on the conscience and other manipulations. In war, all means are good.
But on the other hand, jealousy is our problem called “relationships for the sake of relationships” – it’s quite natural that we are afraid of losing what has become for us the meaning of life! If the relationship is all that we have, then we really will experience wild horror at the thought of their possible loss. And it strengthens the very mutual dependence that destroys all relationships.
Dependence requires us to stop being ourselves, to meet expectations, to change ourselves at the first whim of a partner, but this does not lead to anything except the growth of internal tension, which from time to time spills out in a quiet hatred towards each other … quiet, because even here fear of destroying relationships does not allow expressing your feelings directly And there, where the cauldron of emotions that have no way out rages, there are all the possible psychosomatic diseases, not to mention the bitter and hopeless feeling of their unhappiness.
When relationships become the meaning of life, they leave ease and mobility. Every even the smallest aspect of a relationship gains a weight on a completely irrational scale. Quarrels over the most trivial trifles occur precisely for this reason – after all, in the fact that for me the most important thing in the world cannot be trifles! Familiar logic?
But damn, this is just a relationship!
Relations are useful, interesting and enjoyable – no one argues – but the meaning of our life is not in them. Relationships are just one of the background tasks, an auxiliary tool. Just like a car that is needed in order to go shopping or travel, so relationships are needed in order to enrich life, beautify it, become an aid in the realization of its purpose. But relations cannot be the main and only value in life, and when this happens, the future of such relations is predetermined, and it is hopeless.
Not in a relationship happiness! Everything is exactly the opposite – this happiness is accompanied by good relations – cause and effect should not be confused. Hope that good work, good friends, a good home and good relationships will make you a happy person – this is the silliest mistake you can make in life. Movement from outside to inside does not work in psychology. No most wonderful circumstances will make a person happy, just as no harsh conditions make a happy person unhappy. Not there digging.
And do not lie to yourself that personally your purpose, personally your meaning of life is in a relationship. However, as you wish … I will have more work.