As promised, I spread the record of the seminar on relations, which was held in 2011 in St. Petersburg and Moscow.
Unfortunately, at that time there was still no decent recording equipment, so the audibility is not always good and there are a lot of extraneous noise.
However, you can listen.
As it was explained at the seminar, the psychology of relationships itself is not so complicated and does not require long conversations … but this is on condition that you first need to have extensive ideas about the general psychology of the individual. Therefore, a lot of time at the seminar is given to introductory information, which then relies on relationship theory.
The first part discusses in detail the basic psychological characteristics of introverts and extroverts. First, in general, then – in the annex to the relationship. And the conversation about this does not end here, but will continue in the next part.
In the second part, the discussion of the general theory continues, on which the conversation about psychological problems in relations will continue to be based. This time it is about what lies at the core and is the main motive for relationships between people. And this is not at all the instinct of reproduction, but the instinct of psychological self-preservation and self-survival.
A close relationship with another person is our way to get that spiritual support that we, for various reasons, cannot give ourselves. And without it — without someone else’s acceptance — we are covered in such anguish that life loses all meaning. That is why love relationships attach so much importance – in them for us the only salvation from the most important psychological problem in life.
We try to build relationships with ourselves through relationships with another person, but even if it were possible, we are doing everything wrong. Instead of learning to treat ourselves like a human being, with all our limbs we simply cling to another person who gives us a temporary sense of relief from the eternal war with ourselves, and don’t want to know anything else. In relationships, we do not learn to love ourselves, we only learn how to manipulate another person in order to keep him close longer and warm up about him longer.
And on this shaky, painful ground, we are trying to establish good, stable relationships, and then we wonder why six months later nothing remains of the previous passion, and quarrels and squabbles take its place …
In general, we are talking about an inferiority complex – the fundamental internal conflict that we are trying to escape into a relationship. And everything that happens in the relationship in the future, just a natural consequence of this fundamental error. Do not run away from yourself. From an inferiority complex – even more so.
The third deals with stereotypes and false beliefs about the nature of relationships and the “rules” that must be followed by partners. The nature of “love” and the general dynamics of the development of relations from the moment of non-binding dating to complete mutual insanity on each other are also considered.
The fourth part describes the neurotic model of relationships – how such relationships are made, how they develop and how they break up. Again, the relationship between psychological types and dynamics of relationships, the nature of manipulation and any other related issues are considered.
The fifth part finally considers a reasonable and conscious approach to relationships – various technical and social factors that influence in the sphere of relationships. Typical errors and ways to circumvent them. Early signs of contact and slipping into the neurotic model of relationships and a lot of other useful information.