Why does a man need a woman and a family?
The question of marriage can and should be viewed from different angles. Let’s start with clarification – what kind of man are we talking about? For example, a young man who grew up in the tenacious embrace of an imperious mother – why does he need a family? Or a man who has gone through three marriages that collapsed because of his unbearable jealousy – why should he? Or just a guy in love from a family with strong ancestral traditions – what drives him? There are many options. But still, some points can be summarized.
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No matter how terrible it sounds, the whole modern family institution is based on neurotic motivation. In the old days, when a “love marriage” still simply did not exist, the creation of a family was a matter of survival or a political strategy. Now the family is seen as a means of achieving some spiritual comfort. Roughly speaking, nowadays families are created to have fun. Not necessarily obvious, like sex, warmth and caress. – Often it means the satisfaction of some deep-seated needs, such as self-affirmation, getting rid of loneliness, the desire for power, and the like. And if before the family went under the heading “So It Should,” now the process and the choice of a partner is managed exclusively by the “I want.”
And what do we all want?
Here we can not do without a small classification – it is necessary for us, men, to sort through. To begin with, we take a more understandable and familiar version – a male extrovert. Who are introverts and extroverts, I hope, you know?
A male extrovert, if he grew up in an ordinary family and never really thought about the “meaning of life,” is a typical representative of a strong half of humanity. The very image that is advertised on TV. He is active, he is sociable, he loves sports (at least from the fan’s bench), he loves beer in the men’s company, he is ambitious and initiative. In relationships with women, he tries to play a leading role (although he rarely succeeds in this). All women lovers and heroic lovers are extroverts. All boors and smarts are extroverts. All the heroes of cool militants are extroverts. When women say that all men are bastards, this is also about extroverts. Recognizable?
Read also the description of the type of “man-lover” in the article Husbands and Lovers – two types of men.
So why, in general, a man-extrovert woman? About marriage will be slightly lower. Since we are talking about a “normal” man, without any special psychological quirks, we mean that, like everyone else, he is not confident.
It looks like an extrovert Yes, he looks very confident – he has a loud voice, he is not afraid to express his opinion and stick into other people’s affairs with a very knowledgeable look. However, very deep doubts are hidden behind such external activity. Simply, unlike the introverted nerds, who because of insecurity hiding in dark corners, extroverts do exactly the opposite – they, figuratively speaking, climb into the stands and prove to everyone around their value, importance and magnificence. But it’s all the same insecurity.
And so, this our “normal man” is looking for a woman. Since society demands from him to be cool and better than others (the pole of “pride”), he also approaches the choice of a woman for reasons of strengthening her status. There are several possible scenarios – either he will strive to subdue many women (don Juan), or he will strive to win one, but very “cool” aunt, or something in between. One way or another, he will strive to subjugate a woman — to conquer and master. Extroverts are proprietors, and their jealousy is anger at insubordination. At its worst, male extroverts become petty, not disdaining assaults (but these are extreme cases).
It turns out that a male extrovert is asserting herself at the expense of a woman. A woman for him is a means of strengthening his male and social status. From here grow the roots of all those typical family problems that they later have. The husband finds himself in the role of an insensitive and demanding despot, and it seems to his wife that “no one loves her,” she lacks “warmth and understanding.”
I deliberately exaggerate to highlight the characteristic details. In life, as a rule, everything is not so acute and not so obvious. Therefore, do not rush to argue and argue that you have “this is not so.” Listen, better what I am leading to.
Why does a “normal” male-extrovert family? There is a proverb: “A man pays marriage for sex, and a woman pays sex for marriage.” This is our case, if you remember that sex is the very thing that creates a man’s sense of victory and power over a woman. By marriage, a male extrovert buys for himself a lifelong exclusive (!) Right to assert himself at the expense of this particular woman.
In the long run, such an approach carries one great danger – a “defeated” woman once, very quickly loses that halo of “steepness” for which the relationship was started.