The second pole of the pendulum makes a woman look for a different type of relationship. Here the spiritual qualities of the chosen one come to the fore – the ability to empathize, constancy, loyalty, care, predictability and the like. This man is responsible for loving the woman.
In a relationship with the “lover” there is passion, admiration, playfulness, and for some time these feelings are enough to believe in mutual love. But the intensity and heat of these emotions implies that they burn through as quickly as they arise. There is no that eternal love that every woman dreams of.
The lover creates a sense of self-worth in a woman, makes her feel her sexual attractiveness, but he cannot penetrate her soul and soothe internal anxiety. Yes, he is not interested in it – he does not care about the experiences of a woman, because he is completely focused on himself.
Therefore, having played enough in a relationship with “cool men,” a woman sooner or later begins to pay attention to another type of men – those who are willing to immerse themselves in her inner world, understand her, accept and fall in love.
The lover says to the woman – “You are amazing!” The husband says – “You are good!”
At the pole of nothingness, a woman wants to get from a man precisely the feeling that, for all its shortcomings and, in spite of all the mistakes made, she remains good and loved for him. Receiving such recognition from a man, a woman can calm down for some time and reconcile with herself.
When they say that every woman wants to love and be loved, it’s about this kind of infantile-romantic relationship. Beautiful courtship, knightly behavior, serenades under the window, ardent declarations of love – all this creates a feeling of inner peace for a woman. – “I love, so I’m good.”
In addition, the relationship with the “husband” gives a woman the opportunity to strengthen their rear, to feel safe and start to build a nest. Predictability and subordination of a man to the wishes of a woman (“I will do everything for the sake of your love!”) Create a sense of stability and security in a woman. A man becomes that safe haven where a woman returns to lick her wounds after a collision with the outside world.
That is how women imagine the perfect husband. He must love a woman, take care of her, fulfill her whims, regret and reassure her and, in general, be at her complete disposal. But, as in the case of the pole of pride, there is a downside here.
First, receiving from the man all the signs of love that one can think of, the woman still remains unsatisfied. At first it seems to her that she got into a fairy tale, but soon, the man’s wholehearted love and readiness to look in her mouth slowly begins to annoy her. The relationship of a man and a woman suddenly turns into a relationship of mother and child.
The man completely loses his independence and submits to the woman. As a result, he loses all authority in the eyes of a woman, which means that his opinion can no longer be taken for granted. Now his admonitions “You are good” are losing their magical power and do not bring past peace. A woman loses the emotional support for which she entered into a relationship with this man.
Secondly, the relationship with the “husband”, implying mutual loyalty and love to the grave, deprive the woman of the moral right to play back with other men his pride. So, the pole of pride is not protected and does not allow a woman to calm down completely. The blame for this failure, in her eyes, lies entirely on the man.
A woman loses all respect for her chosen one, treats him, accuses him of the years of her life spent on him in vain, demands strength and responsibility from him, but only aggravates the situation. A man loses all free will, and the woman again finds himself at the broken trough – both poles of her mutilated self-esteem tear her soul apart again.
Reconciliation of the poles
As it should have already become clear, a woman needs to simultaneously protect both poles of self-esteem. Ideally, it should be a man who combines all thirty-three pleasures in himself – a husband and lover in one person. But, in practice, this is impossible. A man, like a woman, is rigidly locked in the framework of the game into which social education has plunged him.
Therefore, a woman has two choices – to accept their misfortune or to look for some kind of surrogate options. The more severe her moral education was, the higher the likelihood that she would choose misfortune. On the other hand, women with greater moral flexibility find a way out of their difficulty through relationships with many men.
This may be the most obvious option – the husband is at home and the lover is on the side – or more streamlined options. In general, it is not necessary for a woman to have sex with a man in order to play his pride with him. It is enough for her to feel that the authoritative for her man highly appreciates her.