Women’s pendulum of pride and worthlessness
We have already talked about the problem of pride and insignificance in an article about the structure of social relations. I hope you read it, otherwise, some turns of the further narrative may seem incomprehensible to you.
Self-esteem in men and women is arranged more or less the same. Both those and others are talking about two poles that need to be strengthened. Pride regains through active interaction with the outside world – in comparison with other people, in the struggle for power, in victories over rivals. But insignificance or self-pity feeds on inner experiences, through mutual emotional support or self-consolation.
Every person wants to win in the social sphere and unconditional acceptance in the sphere of the soul. And the difference between men and women is only what means to achieve inner peace are used.
Men, in this regard, are more self-sufficient – they can easily cope with internal conflict on their own – for example, through career, hobbies and male friendship. A woman, on the other hand, is in a state of dependency — in order to alleviate internal anxiety, she needs relationships with men. Without men, a woman is not able to overcome a sense of inferiority.
Probably, such female dependence is not innate predestination, but refers to the results of social conditionality. But the depth and energy charge of this program is so great that in scale of its manifestations it is quite comparable with psychological instincts. There is a chance to go beyond the program, but this path is thorny and dangerous.
And until the woman follows this imperative, she will play with men in two opposite directions, which create that external effect of the inconsistency and incomprehensibility of her desires.
This side of the game makes a woman choose such a man who will give her a certain status. A man should be a winner, a leader, a typical “lover”. When a woman manages to attract such a man to herself, she gets confirmation of her own worth and calms down for a while.
The main means of attracting “cool” men is sexuality. A woman challenges men, offering to fight for her favor, and then peacefully surrenders to the winner. But even then, the woman continues to test the man for strength, provoking him to show strength – a kind of professional fitness test. If the man is stronger, the test is passed, if not – it’s time to look for a replacement.
There is also a downside. However, the woman wants to see a strong man next to her and be defeated by him, she herself wants to defeat him. Having chosen the “coolest” man among other men and having achieved his attention, the woman soon begins to subordinate him to herself.
In fact, a woman seeks to seize a man completely and individually – his attention, his time, his actions, his desires, his soul. This is where many family conflicts arise, when a wife requires her husband to abandon her friends for her, to advance in her career for the fulfillment of her desires, to share her values, to accept her inner world and so on.
Using the terminology from an article about male behavior patterns, a woman tries to reclassify a “lover” as a “husband”. A man may succumb to this pressure or not, but if a woman is not aware of her game, the relationship will be destroyed in any case.
If a man refuses to obey, the woman will feel that she is not loved enough and not appreciated, fall into a sense of self-pity and will look for that man who will accept and love her. If a man submits to her will, the woman will feel stronger, and therefore lose in him a support for her pride. And now she will have to look again for a “tough guy” who will amuse her self-esteem with her attention.
In both cases, the problem of pride is resolved only for a short time, when the woman still retains the hope that she will succeed in remaking the man, or until she faces the fact that the converted and defeated man no longer attracts her.
But even in this short span, a woman does not feel happy, because the satisfaction of pride is only one of the poles of the pendulum of self-esteem.