Male look at a woman
Whatever the relationship in the family, the first experience of communicating with a woman for the future of a man is his relationship with his mother. It is often said that a man chooses a woman like a mother, and so it is. But to this observation you need to add one very important detail, which usually remains unheeded.
The main similarity with the mother, which the man is looking for in his women, does not concern his appearance, character and habits, but the feeling of security and peace that he felt under maternal care.
The fact is that a young man does not even realize that a woman can be treated somehow differently. In his beloved, he is looking only for an improved version of his mother, who will care for him, nurture and protect him, and with which, among other things, he can indulge in sexual pleasures. All, as they say, 33 pleasures. For his mother and woman for him is an equal sign.
This situation can be smoothed, for example, by having a sister or a personal example of parents who were able to establish real adult relationships with each other. Then a young man can get another basic experience and learn to see in a woman more than a motherly image. But such luck is not often.
The result of such initial conditions is that the relationship with a woman develops according to one common pattern, which can be easily observed in the circle of her acquaintances. The most characteristic signs are the subordination of a man to his woman, dependence on her and the fear of her discontent. This is manifested soon after they met. A little later, when the relationship has already entered a stable rut, another characteristic problem emerges – the loss or significant weakening of the sexual interest on the part of the man to his girlfriend.
A man, not knowing other patterns of behavior with a woman, unknowingly builds relationships in such a way as to entrust her with maternal functions. In order for a woman to provide a man with the desired sense of peace and security, she must be in the position of seniority for him. And the man pushes her to it himself and pushes – he delegates powers to her, shifts the responsibility to her, transfers her the right to make decisions and give marks.
In the end, a man gets exactly what he wanted. The woman takes on the role of the elder and takes over the further leadership of the man. For her, all this happens just as unconsciously. At first, she likes the fact that a man obeys her wishes, and it seems that relationships are developing in the best possible way. But later, the woman begins to notice that the role of the mother, which she now plays, makes it impossible for her to be a woman and requires considerable responsibility from her. A man, sooner or later, realizes that he lost his freedom and instead of “love” for his girlfriend, now he only feels fear and displeasure.
After this relationship just crumble. Moreover, both the man and the woman cannot understand what happened at all. Relations that started like a fairy tale, rotted and collapsed right before our eyes. And since both are completely unaware of what is happening with them, it seems to them that they simply chose the wrong person. Then they say goodbye and look for a new couple for themselves, in which, however, exactly the same story will repeat.
Most of our men continue to look for a loving mother in a woman until old age. Behind this lies the lack of inner independence of men. Instead of learning how to cope with his mental pains, he goes the usual way and is looking for a woman to hang them on. At the same time, a man can lead a bank or command an army, but, returning home, he is still looking for peace in the arms of his woman-mother.
Such men all their lives hope to meet a woman who agrees to be for them both mother and mistress. And they truly fall in love when they see in a woman her willingness to combine these roles. But such a relationship has no future – either they, soon collapse, or make a man and a woman completely unhappy, attached to each other, beings.
No woman will accept to be a mother for her man. No man will ever accept the loss of his freedom in exchange for maternal consolation. They can only hide in self-deception, convincing themselves and each other that such a relationship should be, that true love is such that security and mutual consolation are more important than happiness. And most modern families are saturated with this self-deception.
Putting these questions to chance, a man inevitably condemns his relationship with women to a bitter failure. Continuing to seek a tender, understanding mother in every woman, the man refuses to grow up and personally deprives himself of the most valuable thing – freedom.
Pay attention to the article “Why a man has a family” – it also reveals other subtleties of a man’s perception of a woman and relationships with her.