Relationships need to learn
How do we act in a new situation? Can we take new circumstances from scratch? Can we take the new conditions of the game with all the care and openness of the child, who still has no experience? Can we enter a new river every time? Usually – no.
The older we get, the more agitated our view of what is happening around. We perceive everything new through the prism of the old, depriving ourselves of the sensations of freshness and novelty. So begins old age – at the very moment when life ceases to bring surprises.
What does a first-year student feel in the first months of study? He has no idea what “being a student” is and how the educational process is built at the university. Therefore, he, completely unaware of it, repeats the well-known pattern of behavior — the student and the teacher. He does not understand that the student does not care, that no one else will run after him and instill knowledge. He does not know that a teacher at the institute is no longer the strict teacher who can shame and call his parents to school.
Therefore, the first course becomes the most difficult – you need to get used to the new conditions of life and learning. We must learn to take responsibility for our own training and stop hoping for sensitive guidance. It is necessary to stop being afraid of the teacher and learn to perceive him as an equal person, whose direct duties include facilitating the training. Now the teacher himself is in a certain respect to the student. All this needs to be realized and re-arranged in time.
But it is easier for students – there is always someone to prompt and teach. Teachers, senior students, parents – there are always those who have already gone through a student’s school and understand what every freshman is mistaken about. Therefore, after the first session, first-year students begin to slowly spread their wings and chuckle at their previous ideas.
And what happens when a young man and woman enter into the first relationship for themselves? Before them is the widest field for choice and creativity – all ways are open and everything is allowed. But what do they choose? How do they behave? Do they realize the responsibility of each choice made? Do they even realize the essence and meaning of the choices being made or do they not know what they are doing?
They do not realize and do not know … In the best case, young couples perceive their union as a field for experiments and try to find a balance blindly, to the touch. But even then, the ideas formed and fixed by the educational process make it a trio – both of them are trying to realize their own set of fantasies about relationships on a full automatic machine. They still do not understand that a relationship with a man of the opposite sex is a game that they need to learn to play from scratch.
And to tell them, usually, too, no one. Parents themselves do not really understand what is happening with their relationship. Peers – moreover, they do not know anything. The institute does not study relationship issues and does not teach. Psychologists know something, but they are not in the position to preach left and right. Therefore, unlike students, young couples still remain foolish naive freshmen for many years.
A small technical retreat. Generalization is a useful tool that, however, should be used with caution. Below, we will talk about a typical man and a woman from a typical family, where the mother takes an active part in the upbringing.
Unfortunately, in our society, the family has become typical, built on neurotic dependence between spouses. Children in such families inevitably adopt parental behaviors and, in complete accountability, continue in their independent lives the same line of neurotic “typicality”. Therefore, the generalization made within the framework of the article is quite appropriate.
But if you are more fortunate with your family, and your parents were able to find complete peace of mind in their relationship, this article is not about you and not for you – your case belongs to the category of exceptions, and this is not a reason for dispute.
Today, young people perceive relationships as roulette, they rely on the right choice of a partner for a case. And if they are unlucky with the first, they are simply looking for the next one, with whom, perhaps, they are now lucky.
So is it possible to let everything go of its own accord and allow the relationship to develop, as God will per capita, or does a healthy, long-lasting relationship require conscious effort?