Men are friends a little differently. The basis of friendships is still the same emotional mutual assistance as women, but the principles of male honor and devotion are added to it.
Here it must be said that honor and loyalty are the same virtual concepts as love and friendship. There is no point in them either. It’s just a set of rules, which since childhood is instilled in men and becomes sacred to them.
A decent man or a man of honor is as pathetic as the most shameless villain. In a psychological sense, they are equally unhealthy, just on the opposite poles of the same scale. The former assert their significance through ostentatious decency, the latter through spit on all the rules and principles.
In fact, faith in honor and decency is a form of neuroticism, which, however, is elevated to the rank of the highest male value. Hence the specificity of male friendship – following the rules of honor often turns out to be more important for a man than all other interests.
Only a man can “suffer for an idea” – revolutionaries, Decembrists, patriots, truth seekers and other people of honor – they all put their mental ideals above even their own survival. Darwin would not have approved them.
Belief in true friendship and male devotion is as nonsense as all other manifestations of honor and decency. Still, men love this game very much and are very worried when they have no friends, or are proud that they can be the best friend for someone.
In practice, men often go against their personal interests, for the sake of friendship. This is bad because, usually, such self-denial occurs unconsciously, albeit consciously. That is, the man understands that he refuses his desire for the sake of friendship, but he does not see that desire does not disappear, but is only suppressed, goes into the unconscious and continues to grind deep inside. Every struggle “for the idea” is self-destructive, but men do not see it.
On the other hand, the willingness and ability to sacrifice their interests makes it possible to present cooperation in solving practical issues. Women cannot cooperate – they always compete, men can really work effectively on a common goal hand in hand. And if a man clearly realizes what interests and for what he refuses, then there is no longer any self-destruction here – all is well.
But the basis of male friendship is still not cooperation and mutual assistance, but the same need for comfort as that of women. Men are friends for exactly the same thing – so that there was someone to cry their tears.
Yes, men do not cry – they drink bitter and, having a snack, share their problems. A man should be harsh and not supposed to cry, but the essence does not change. Beer, kebabs, fishing, in the gym – everywhere men complain about each other about their lives and comfort each other like a man.
The warmest relationships between men arise when the level of mutual trust allows sharing the most intimate experiences. That is, simply put, when it is possible to pour out the deepest and most painful experiences to each other.
The best friend, a true friend is usually the one to whom you can put all your heavy thoughts, who will listen, understand and sympathize, who will not use the information received and will not hit back in the back (women, by the way, always use and need – beat with all its might).
In this, male and female friendships are similar – both those and others are looking for comfort in their friends and want to have such a person next to them who they can throw out all their problems. Women do it in their own direct manner – directly, simply and openly. Men build themselves from impregnable harsh machoes, but that makes them look even funnier.
All friendship, both male and female, is built on the principle: “I help you to deceive yourself, and you help you to deceive yourself to me.” Ostriches that help each other shove their heads in the sand – these are best friends. And where it is not about consolation and self-deception, it all comes down to bargaining – “I help you out, and then you help me out.”
Psychologically, adult men are friends with “nothing” …
Love is mutual consolation
Friendship between a man and a woman
Finally, about interesting. The theme of friendship between a man and a woman becomes a field of verbal slaughter with enviable regularity.
All confusion arises from the use of words that do not have clear definitions. Friendship, passion, love, love – where does one end and the other begin? No one knows and cannot know because of the conditional nature of these concepts. One thing is certain, a relationship between a man and a woman is possible.
When this relationship is built on mutual consolation, there arises a “pure and bright love” sung by poets with sex, family and all other matters, which is the same neuroticism as “true friendship.”