Talk to each other
Another rule, just as important and fundamental as the ability to keep a distance – learn to talk with each other. Do not plop, do not gossip, do not discuss matters at work or watched a movie, but talk about what is really important – about yourself, about your experiences, about relationships and what is happening between you.
Neither men nor women are usually able to do this. If a couple and it comes to feelings, then everything quickly slips into mutual accusations and asking who is right and who is wrong. This is all wrong.
Relationships are a complex process. If you rely only on an intuitive understanding, you will not be able to go far. It is imperative to say everything out loud – why do you need this relationship, what do you like about them, and what worries you, where do you go in this life, how do you see your future.
The soul, of course, does not need to be turned inside out. But everything that concerns a relationship with another person should be expressed. No need to save grievances, no need to swallow irritation, no need to silently give up your desires – talk about it. There is only one condition – remember that a loved one is not your enemy, that he does not owe you anything, and that you want to save him. So, the only tool that you have is requests, compromises and agreements.
Therefore, when you talk about the fact that something offended you – do not hang a feeling of guilt on another person – an insult arises only through your efforts. Just tell me that these are the words that hit you because of this and that, and ask no longer to poke you in this sore spot. Do not demand, do not disguise your order under the request, namely ask. And if you have not brought the relationship to a point, a close person will understand it and will not refuse.
Resentment, anxiety, fear, jealousy, anger — everything that people usually hide from, must be pulled to the surface, and the sooner the better. At first it is difficult, because the accumulated emotions will show through in words and will not allow to talk calmly, without insults and accusations. But through this, too, need to go through, and then – continue.
A man and a woman who can talk seriously and honestly are the best psychologists for each other. All this abstruse psychology of relationships is completely unnecessary, if you can openly talk with a loved one and clarify what is happening. What do you want, what do I want, what do you live, what do I live, what do you expect from me, what do I expect from you – elementary questions that will mark half of all problems and ordinary turmoil. You just need courage to start talking about it.
Therefore, sit down and talk. You can specially appoint a couple of hours when you talk openly about your relationship and try your best to respond in an adult way, without resentment, soberly and calmly. And if these conversations do not penetrate the hidden desire to hurt or manipulate each other, they will quickly help you solve many long-standing problems – common and personal.
Suppose you do not immediately get to the bottom of what is happening between you, but the mere fact that you want to understand everything together and make this effort will already make your relationship stronger than ever.
Do not make such conversations obligatory, but do not drag out time if anxiety grows in your soul. The sooner you talk about your worries, the easier it will be. Watch yourself and each other – remember that caring for a person concerns not only his physical, but also spiritual well-being. Learn to be strong, mature and honest with each other.