Keep your personal territory
Another common and destructive delusion is that a man and a woman in a love relationship should do everything together, sleep in the same bed, have no secrets and generally belong to one another completely.
Yes, at the initial stage of the relationship, you do not want to break away from each other for a minute. Friends, work, hobbies – everything is put aside, just to be together. It may be romantic, but squeezing each other immediately and dry is dangerous. To reduce the whole meaning of life to a relationship with even the most beautiful person means to lose touch with reality.
No matter how miraculous this relationship may be, sooner or later they will bore both. You can not live with each other, otherwise, life will soon become black and white. But the majority of couples do not understand this and, on the contrary, strive to fully unite their lives into a single whole.
From a practical point of view, this may seem appropriate and correct. General finances, general vacations, general nutrition, general entertainment, mutual friends, and, often, common work. It seems that such a combination expresses a great love and trust for each other. But a year passes, the romance disappears, and both begin to realize that life has turned in a strange way and now passes by as if by.
Even the best and most versatile person will quickly get bored with you, if he constantly blister to your eyes. Like a good wine, if you drink it in one gulp from a beer mug, all its taste will disappear from the second sip. Dear drink you need to savor – drink slowly, listening to each sip – only this way the whole bunch of sensations will be revealed.
The same with relationships – if you do not limit yourself to anything, you can drink each other to the bottom for a couple of months. And who will be better off?
When a man and a woman only get acquainted, they are independent people with their own views, interests and friends – and that is how they like each other. Man flourishes when he lives life to the fullest and in harmony with himself. But in too close relationships it is impossible, and instead of supplementing your usual life with the presence of a loved one, you just have to give up life.
At first, in a fit of passion, it is easy to agree to such an exchange. But after that, when emotions subside, I want to be free again – to friends, girlfriends, mountains, old hobbies, and there may no longer be a place for all this. And at this stage, many relationships experience a strong jolt, since only two extremes are seen as a way out: devoting one’s life to each other completely or parting.
But in the relationship it is possible to remain separate people, and relationships only benefit from it. If you give up childish greed and the desire to own a person completely, if you step over the fear that a released person will not return, if you do not reduce your whole life to a relationship, everything will fall into place.
Reservation. Some relationships are held only by the fact that the partners clutched claws at each other and do not let go. In this case, if you loosen your grip, the relationship really collapses, because, apart from strong hugs, people here are not tied up. Once, we met, got used to and stuck to each other with boredom – that’s all the relationships. And although they have become familiar and comfortable for a long time – the price is worthless, and the loss is not great if they fall apart. Such a relationship ends with an unanswered question on his deathbed – “But why did I actually live this life?”
It is not necessary to spend every minute together. Moreover, it is fundamentally important to have a personal time for solitude, for your friends and hobbies. And not five minutes a day, but at least half of all free time from work. Personal life must go on.
This is especially important for a man, because in his affairs and hobbies he reveals himself best of all. But a woman should also be able to fill her time with something else besides communicating with her beloved man, so as not to lose her self-worth.
Then the time spent together will be experienced more vividly and valued higher. All you need to do is to allow yourself to do your favorite things, and together to be exactly when you really want it. Therefore, it is so important to preserve their psychological and everyday separateness.
The same can be said about personal physical space. Yes, a small apartment can always keep foreheads facing each other, but even in one room, everyone can make his own corner, which will be his personal and inviolable territory. And how many couples live in multi-room apartments, having no personal space?
Moreover, every night, sleeping together in the same bed — the very thing for which young couples come together — is a real evil for long-term relationships. It is very easy to reduce communication with a close person to a dull routine, when both are already so namozili each other’s eyes that there is no joy at the meeting, and when parting there is a secret feeling of relief.