When a child cannot get what he wants, he begins to act up, be offended and make hysterics – in this way, he forces his parents to submit to their weak will. A small miracle walking under a table can make adult people dance to their tune. Not surprisingly, the technique of such manipulation is delayed and strengthened in his mind, as the most effective way to achieve his.
And then the child matures. Changing desires, changing relationships with the world and other people, but the technique of manipulation is only honed. Even where it would be possible to simply ask, heavy artillery is now being used – pressure on pity, conscience, duty and pride — just to avoid refusal and long explanations.
Manipulation is a way to get what you want from other people without having to take responsibility for it. It is harder to ask – it’s necessary to take the liberty to clearly state your desire, and even get involved in the response obligations that you want to avoid. Therefore, hints, sighs, an offended or upset look are used – whatever you like, as long as a person who is nearby wants to do the very thing that I want from him.
And although it seems that manipulation is harmless, they, in fact, greatly complicate the relationship. Any manipulation is a deception and self-deception. And any such dishonesty is the shortest way to the destruction of relationships.
Yes, in any person you can find the strings for which you can pull it. But why? Do not want to get a refusal? But after all, in fact, it is not so scary – is there anything we want and do not receive. Do not want to talk about your desire directly? And why not say why not take a chance? This is also not as scary as it seems. Do not want to be due for the fulfillment of his desire? But isn’t that fair? And is such a big problem to fulfill the desire of a loved one?
Why do we need all these games, if everything can be agreed? It is clear that it’s scary to lay all the cards on the table at once – it’s scary to be naked before another person in their desires and passions. So what, all my life and hide? Why not begin to slowly talk about your passions in the open – because only this way you can truly satisfy your desires and move on. Why do we need mutual trust if it is not used and not developed?
There are so many insults in ordinary families because of these fears and stupid modesty – “Oh, you can’t hear me at all and you don’t understand!” – so it may be necessary to sit down and calmly explain everything, and not expect that the person you are Should not understand anything in the intricacies of your conflicting desires?
Learn to talk about your desires as simply and straightforwardly as possible. No need to beat around the bush – say about your desire honestly and openly. Yes, sometimes a drop of courage and willingness to meet a loved one in the same way when he asks for it is needed for this — well, so what? Adults live this way – they agree. They do not bargain and do not count the cost of each service, but do not hesitate to ask and do not hesitate to fulfill other people’s wishes.
Relationships from this only get easier. The ability to ask and the willingness to meet each other in the fulfillment of desires, make communication easy and carefree. Why wait when a gentleman deigns to give you flowers if you can ask about it? After all, he himself will be pleased to make you happy. Why quietly hope that a friend in the eyes will read your innocent erotic fantasy, if you can say so directly? And because she herself will be pleased that you see in her an attractive woman.
There is a limit to everything – not every desire is appropriate and not every desire can be fulfilled, but then we are adults, we can agree. Gain courage and learn to play in the open. Stop wriggling and manipulating each other. The simpler you can talk about your desires, the more likely you are to realize them, and the more open, joyful and long-lasting your relationships will be. Dare.